Thursday, February 12, 2009

Things I've Learned About Myself

I'm going to be 28 this year. That's 2 years from being 30. THIRTY. And as the clock that continues to tick-tock, I'm learning a lot more about myself. And I am realizing that I am becoming more comfortable in my own skin. I think the whole becoming yourself thing is a process that doesn't end until you pass on. I think where this whole thing stems from for me is the weight struggle that I've had my all my life, and with that, especially growing up, comes a (again, for me) lack of confidence that bubbles over into life. As we all know, you give me a mic and a stage, and I light up. But when I was younger (and even today this still happens), I desperately wanted to be like all the cool people. Only now, looking back, I see how we ALL struggled with lack of confidence no matter what crowd we were a part of.

Then there are times that you go through trials and times of great pain, which also help you to learn more about yourself on a much deeper, emotional level.

So, to "celebrate" things I've learned about myself, I'm compiling this list full of some random, some serious, some just downright crazy things about myself:

1. I still don't like eating tomatoes BUT I have learned I can eat them in a stew. And of course, in a different form, like ketchup.

2. I still don't drink coffee. But I can hang with the "hip" people at the coffee shops and enjoy my hot chocolate. :)

3. I need structure and a routine to keep me on the straight and narrow. If my routine gets out of whack (which it currently is), I have trouble sleeping and being motivated to do anything.

4. I love to crochet. I have always wanted to be creative, but had never found an outlet or craft that I wanted to stick with. Since my G'ma taught me the basic crochet stitches over Christmas, I've been hooked (ha ha) ever since. I love the process of starting out with just a skein (ball) of yarn, which becomes a scarf, a hat, gloves, or something else that can be given to someone. I have always ALWAYS been a big gift giver, and it has broken my heart over the past couple of years to not have the money that I wanted in order to buy everyone I know a Christmas gift. Now, I can make them something, which for me I think, means a lot more than just something I found in a store. Making them a scarf or whatever shows that I put time, effort, and a lot of love into the creation of the item.

5. I have learned that I'm very loyal and mainly to a fault. I usually put way too much trust in people. I do get dissapointed with people that have "titles" attached to their names, but those that have the title of "My Friend" and betray me....those hurt the worst. I do try to act like it doesn't bother me and put on a brave face, but deep inside my heart of hearts, I'm still reeling and hurting.

6. I am discovering who I am from a musical stand point, but I don't have the money right now to further develop that. LOL I'm praying that changes in the near future. I'm really proud of my first album, but I want to go even further musically with the next one. I want to take more risks.

7. I like strawberry cake better than chocolate cake. Didn't think that was possible, but once you've had the strawberry cake at the Hen Peck Market in Franklin, anything is possible.

8. Even though I need structure and a routine, I suck at a corporate environment. I was just not built for that at all.

To be continued....I have to meet a dear friend at I can be hip and cool.


andiramusic said...

I want to be hip and cool with you!!!

SS Akins Family said...

I never realized we are so much a like! Must have structure, don't drink coffee, the thing about being hurt by people, etc. I am so blessed to have a friend like you!